Closure
by Lilaclife
Summary: One-shot Japril story. Just a story about some much needed closure for the characters, where they finally say all they need to say to each other. Set in season 13. Jackson overhears April defending him at the hospital, even though he hasn't been doing that for her lately.


Hey, everyone. I'm a fairly new Japril fan and have completely fallen in love with this couple, but hate where they're at right now. I'm new to this whole fanfic thing too so I just hope that you guys like it!

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It had been a long day and she was going to just walk right past the living room again, right past him without a word and go to sleep. He stopped her though, as he began to speak from the couch.

"Hey, April. Look, I know you didn't have to stand up for me like that earlier, but you did and..." He was about to thank her, but she cut him off abruptly.

"Why wouldn't I?" She questioned him trying to read his face. She hadn't realized that Jackson overheard her earlier, but it seems that he had.

Of course, she would defend him. No matter what happened between them, she would always defend him because she knew the type of man he was. He was the father of her child. He had been her husband... her best friend. That all means something still. So, of course she would have his back.

"I mean I don't expect you to after everything that's happened lately, is all."

He couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty for how he had been treating her lately. Not only had he not defended her, he had been the first to jump on the "let's hate on April" bandwagon after she accepted the interim position.

"Yeah, well it's no big deal. It was all true anyways," she stated calmly but then suddenly something switched in her and she grew instantly annoyed.

"Why would you assume that I'd throw you under the bus so easily? Or...or that somehow I just wouldn't be able to pass up on the opportunity to criticize you?"

Here we go again he thought. He wasn't trying to fight with her again. He had only tried to thank her, but somehow, he knew this conversation would be turning into yet another one of their endless arguments. But, before he could even respond she seemed to calm down and sat down on the other side of the sectional. She didn't want to fight either and decided now would be the best opportunity to talk about what really had been on her mind lately.

"Listen, Jackson I think it's time that I move out. When you offered for me to stay here, we both agreed that it would be until I recovered and I think we've dragged this on long enough. This is the first semi-normal exchange we've had in weeks and it's just not a healthy living situation, Jackson. We both know that."

He opened his mouth to speak but she put up her hand to stop him so she could finish.

"Please, just hear me out. Please."

She paused for what seemed like a long time so she could phrase everything the way she wanted to without putting the blame on him. It was time for her to be honest and explain to him that she truly did understand his point of view in all of this.

"I _know_ you've been upset with me… so upset that you can barely look at me." He looked down briefly, knowing that it was true what she was saying.

"And I know it's not just because of work. You're still angry at me for everything that happened between us and I get that and I'm sorry. I really am."

"We don't have to get into that. That's not what this has been about," he stated but she continued with what she had to say anyways.

"I've stayed here because I tried to convince myself that we could be friends again like we used to and I just wanted Harriet to have two parents that _actually_ got along- that's it. Just two people who could stand to be near each other and who could raise a child without making her feel like she ever had to pick a side. I know we are divorced and I haven't stayed here in hopes that we would magically work our problems out and live happily ever after. I just think I need to make myself clear. I don't think you're going to fall in love with me again or something like that. But I know, for a fact now, that we can't be the parents that Harriet needs if we are living under the same roof. We just can't."

She stopped to give him a chance to say something, but he seemed to be a little taken aback by all that she had to say. He had not really thought that she would move out so quickly. Sure, he figured at some point she would, but not so soon. He kind of even expected her to put up a little fight to stick around for Harriet's sake. She had fought so hard to save their marriage to the point where it infuriated him because she wouldn't listen to what he was saying. She just pushed and pushed and didn't consider that _he_ had a choice in it too- that she wouldn't be able to just will their marriage to work simply because _she_ was finally ready to be here. She had run away and then decided she needed to fight when _she_ was ready. That didn't work for him. But once the papers were signed, he realized that that was it for her. She was done fighting. That's just how she operated.

She had always believed that marriage should be this forever, constant thing. And he realized that she now viewed divorce as being just as unwavering. There was no coming back from it. But you see, that's just where they differed. He didn't see marriage as this fixed reality that you could always work on no matter how much the other person hurt you. She had, and that's why she was so persistent after returning. She must have truly believed that he would be there waiting, no matter what happened simply because they were married. He was realizing this just now. Why had it taken him this long to see all this so clearly?

So yes, in her mind, their divorce was an actual last nail to the coffin. Once the papers were signed, it was absolutely final. She really thought that he stopped loving her. But for him, it wasn't all that simple. He didn't view marriage and divorce as these concrete and definite states in which one existed in no matter what happened around them. He had believed that they'd last and that their relationship was strong enough to endure anything, but some things you cannot imagine or plan for. He had spent a long time married to someone who was not physically near him. And now he was divorced and living near that very person. How much sense did that make? Divorce didn't mean that his feelings disappeared. No, in fact when she had moved in, those feelings just got stronger and stronger with each passing day. He had never stopped loving her. He had been angry, but the love was still there. She wasn't confused about where they stood because as far as she knew all they had to work on now was being friends and being the best parents for Harriet that they could be. But he was more confused than ever.

"I'm sorry," he finally said.

"You're right. All the anger I had towards you resurfaced because I felt like you went behind my back when you took that job. And I guess…I just needed another reason to be mad at you because as you can see I'm _clearly_ not over everything. I think you are." He looked at her and she shook her slightly, trying to let him know that that wasn't the case.

"You've accepted that we aren't together. But that's just the problem... I haven't. I was the one who pushed for the divorce, but now I'm the one who is unsure about everything. I still haven't forgiven you for leaving and I can't seem to do that because that would mean I wouldn't have a reason to be angry with you anymore." He frowned and shook his head as he continued.

"It's like I need to be angry in order to stay away from you because…because otherwise the love I have for you would overpower everything and I'd be in the same position again. So in love with you and ready to be left and hurt all over again. So, it's easier to just be angry with you."

She was in total shock now. What had he just said?! He needed to stay angry so he wouldn't get hurt again? He loved her? She was speechless.

"You talk about how you don't expect me to fall in love with you again, but don't you see that I _already_ love you!" He was almost yelling now.

"That was never the issue, April...I never. stopped. loving. you."

"What?" She asked almost in a whisper.

"Jackson, you wanted the divorce," she spoke gently to him as she tried to process everything he was saying.

"Because I didn't think that we could fix our marriage," he replied in a similar tone.

She got up and paced the room as she thought through everything that was said. She knew she needed to finally apologize for the big part she played which led to their divorce. She was mainly to blame and she knew, so she turned around and looked at him with so much longing and love that it almost made him want to run over to her right then and there.

"I'm sorry. You…never deserved what happened. You deserved a wife who stayed with you through the good and the bad. But I couldn't be that person for you... I just didn't know how. I failed you...and I'm so sorry." She finally let a few tears fall.

"But, to say that I'm somehow _over it_ is simply not true. Yes, I've accepted that we will never be together again, but that doesn't make me care any less…love you any less."

The realization that they were both to blame in their failed relationship finally dawned on them and they could both sense that they were trying to be gentler with each other. It seemed that they understood each other more clearly now.

"I guess our problem was not that we didn't love each other. Our problem was that we just saw things differently and didn't communicate that in the best way." She sat back down and he nodded, agreeing with her, but still very heartbroken at the realization that no matter how much they loved each other, a relationship between them might be impossible because of that.

"I still don't want you to move out," he finally said.

"I think it would be best if I did," she replied." We have to figure things out, away from each other. And for the time being, it doesn't even have to be that far. I can try and get an apartment nearby so that we could still both be near Harriet at all times."

"OK," was all he managed to say.

"OK," she replied and gave him a warm smile. She then got up and started walking towards her room.

"I want us to be friends. I think we can do that. Don't you?" He asked before she could get too far away. He figured the conversation they had just shared was the closure they had both needed so desperately and it was time for them to leave everything in the past and move on. They would never be able to get back to the relationship or even friendship they once shared, but just because it would be different did not mean that it couldn't be just as great.

"I'd _really_ like that." She said with a smile and walked back towards him. She reached out to him and wrapped her arms around him gently at first, but then tighter when he returned the hug. They embraced for a long time and just held onto each other, neither wanting to let go. They had both needed to hear the words they just shared for a long time now and knew that this could be a new beginning for them- for their life as friends and as co-parents. And maybe after they had established that, they could be something more again. If they could continue to communicate in this way, it would be very possible. They both knew this, but neither of them was going to push it. There was no rush and this time around they both knew that they'd be waiting for each other with open arms.


End file.
